Is Getting Turned On By Crossdressing OK?

Dear Ask Me Anything,

I'm a man, and I have a confession to make: I get turned on by wearing women's clothes. It's not something I talk about, and it feels a little shameful to even admit it. I don't think I'm gay; I'm attracted to women. But there's something about the feel of the fabrics, the way the clothes look on me, that is incredibly arousing. I feel like a freak, and I don't know what to do with this. Am I normal? Should I just try to suppress this?

Sincerely, Confused Closet Cross-Dresser

Dear Confused Closet Cross-Dresser,

Thank you for your honesty and vulnerability in sharing this with me. I know it takes courage to talk about something that feels so deeply personal and potentially stigmatized. Let me assure you, first and foremost: you are not a freak. You are experiencing a form of attraction and expression that, while perhaps less common, is absolutely valid and within the spectrum of human experience.

Let's break down what you're describing:

Cross-dressing is not necessarily an indicator of sexual orientation. Your attraction to women is valid, and your enjoyment of wearing women's clothing doesn't change that. The two are not mutually exclusive.

The arousal you feel is likely a combination of factors. It could be the tactile sensation of the fabrics, the visual appeal, the sense of embodying a different persona, and a complex interplay of psychological and emotional elements. Each individual's experience is unique.

Shame often thrives in silence. The fact that you feel ashamed highlights the societal stigma that unfortunately still exists around gender expression. But I urge you to understand that there is no inherent shame in exploration, enjoyment, and expressing yourself in a way that feels authentic to you.

Now, let's address the burning question: what should you do with this?

Self-Acceptance is Key: The most important step is to accept this part of yourself without judgment. Denying or suppressing your feelings will likely only lead to more internal conflict. Practice self-compassion and understand that your desires are not harmful, and they do not define your worth as a man.

Explore Safely and Respectfully: If you feel safe and comfortable, give yourself the space to explore this aspect of yourself in a private and controlled environment. Experiment with different styles and types of clothing. See what resonates with you.

Understand Your Motivations: Ask yourself: what is it about wearing women's clothes that is arousing to you? Is it the feeling? The imagery? The role-playing aspect? Understanding your motivations can help you better understand and navigate your feelings.

Consider Finding a Community: There are many online and in-person communities of people who identify as cross-dressers, or who engage in gender expression outside of societal norms. Connecting with others who understand can be incredibly validating and helpful. You may realize you're far from alone.

Communicate (If and When You're Ready): You may eventually choose to share this part of yourself with a trusted partner or friend. But only do so when you feel safe and ready. It is a decision that needs to be carefully considered and at your own pace.

Things to Consider:

Don't equate cross-dressing with being transgender. While some trans individuals might cross-dress before transitioning, the two are separate identities. Your experience could simply be about enjoying the clothing and the arousal it brings.

Be patient with yourself and the process. Self-discovery is a journey, not a destination. Allow yourself the time and space to explore, understand, and accept your desires without judgment.

Confused Closet Cross-Dresser, please know that you are not alone in your feelings. Embrace this part of yourself with self-compassion and explore it in a way that is safe, respectful, and authentic. Your worth as a person is not diminished by your clothing preferences or your arousal patterns.

Wishing you peace and clarity on your journey.

Warmly,

Ask Me Anything